A Letter to My Son

IMG_4477Dear Tyler,

You are a blessing from God.  The moment you were born, my life changed for the better.  As your first birthday is approaching in a few days: delicious cakes are being baked, hand made decorations are being meticulously crafted, balloons are being filled, gifts are being wrapped and excitement is in the air.  I know you will be surrounded by family, friends, love and that your party will be a joyous celebration.

The pretty blue ombre cake will be devoured, the balloons will gradually sink to the ground, the gifts will be played with & eventually forgotten about and the decorations will be thrown away, but the memories of this first year will forever be woven into the fabric of my life.

I vividly remember how tiny and fragile you were as I cradled you in my arms the day you were born.  How a flawed and broken man like myself could be blessed with such a beautiful boy, proved to me that grace exists.

I love you so much.

I love all your ooooh’s and whooaaa’s every time you discover something new.  It reminds me how amazing the little things in life are and I hope we continue to discover these small wonders together.

I love your proud little smirk and your gleeful laugh every time you hit a new milestone.  I love watching the video clip of you cracking up the first time you stood up in your crib.  You little show off.  I’m so proud of you.

I love the warmth of your smile, its the antidote to my stockpiled cynicism.

I love your carefree dance moves.  It reminds me to just let loose and be myself.

I love your chubby cheeks.  I LOVE your chubby cheeks.

I love the look of “What the heck is this?” written all over your face every time you try a new food.  It’s priceless.

I love picking you up so you can hug me and rest your head on my shoulder.  It reminds me how powerful a a loving touch can be.  I’m going to miss that when you’re older.

You’ve grown up so much right in front of our eyes.  But, you’ve also inspired your mother and I to grow up right beside you.  You’ve taught us about a love that we would have never experienced without you in our lives.

I am flawed and broken in many ways. But, I’ve been motivated to seek healing.  So that I can offer all of my love to your mother and you, instead of just pieces of me.  I know I have already made mistakes and that I will falter and let you down.  But, I promise you that I will strive to give you all of my love.

A love that is selfless and sacrificial, so that your needs are met and opportunities will be opened up to you.

A love that is kind and compassionate, so that I can touch your heart as you’ve already touched mine.

A love that is mindful, so that we can enjoy each moment with you to the fullest.

A love that is humble and forgiving, so that we can grow stronger after stormy trials in our family life.

A love that is protective, so I can defend your innocence as long as possible.  There is so much cruelty in this world.  But, I want you to experience and learn that hope and goodness still exist.  I can’t protect you forever, but I will try to soften the blows as much as I can.

Your mother and I have so many hopes, dreams, and fantasies of who you will grow up to be and what you will end up doing with your life.  But, we’ll have to let go of these at some point.  Because, it’s your journey, and it’s not up to us to choose your path.  I just pray that you will become a God fearing man, who will get to experience the love I have experienced in this past year with your mother and you.  And I pray that you will lead a life of trying to make this world a little bit better than how you first found it.

I don’t know if you will ever read this.  I don’t know how old you will be when you read this.  I just hope this letter finds you happy, healthy, and with a heart full of love.  I hope I am still there to share in this amazing journey of yours.

If not, I love you.  Be kind, respectful, and loving to your mother and your children.

Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.  So, I will stop reminiscing and pondering about your future.  Right now, I will enjoy what’s right in front of me and try my best to live up the standard of cherishing every day like the blessing that it is.

My little baby boy, sleeping peacefully in his crib, without a worry in the world.  Your face looks tranquil.  Your chubby little cheeks are warm.  I’m going to give you a quick kiss on the cheek goodnight.  I am excited to see what surprises are in store for tomorrow when we play together.

Tyler, my son.  You are our first.  You will always be our first.  I love you.

Happy Birthday.





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